craigslisting around

CL is an easy way to kill oh,
half a day.
of course there's the usual trolling
for bike deals -there's never any.
so then I search for Vespas,
(like I'll ever find an old VB cheap).
but I found this........
"Brand New "Hello Kitty" Pink Vespa S150 Custom Paint Job $6150,
sold from Vespa Schenectady with 1 year unlimited mile warranty.

OK, let me start off by saying this Vespa is only available for
purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was
possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow,
this Vespa would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that
adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It
wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No,
that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of Vehicle you're
looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I
mean it. Just stop.

This machine was designed by Italy's finest artists and engineers to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost),
a heated leather seat (real men don't let anything warm near their butt),
or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super
action junkies need. It has an engine made to outrun the cops.
It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid
kit under the seat. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of
whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite
down on when you're operating on yourself. The Vespa also has an
automatic transmission (CVT) so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists,
you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun and
drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

Its a two seater, which means it has room for you and that hottie you've had your eye on at
the gym. A tow hitch can be installed if you find the need to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban,
self cooling machine gun. You can also put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $6150, but I'll
entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up
and tell me you'll give me $500 for it. That's liable to earn you a
Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered
eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the
prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 001 miles on this two-wheeled hellcat from Planet
Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will
carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged,
no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double,
then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just
chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do,
we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen
to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer
pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular
pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Pictures attached. "


actually makes me want to buy it,
just for the pants alone.

alleycat nonsense...

and general randomness.




soz gets an internal on the fixed,
smooth sram setup,
very stealth.

ahhhhh... the suburbs

I can't stand them.
the stupid distance between,
EVERYTHING!
Even people are distant.
The glassy eyed script induced moms,
the vast sprawl.
A blanket of misery.

But I needed cowbells.

Now Bella's not quite a cow,
but she did get her own bell.

Next Sunday is Easter,
the kids will look for little plastic eggs filled with sugar,
then they'll stand in what will probably be mud,
ringing cowbells for the next ummm....
almost alleycat?

I still hated my excursion out to the suberbia life,
but I love the cowbells.

the old heavyset guy tries

The funniest thing was,
at the start,
myself and two others did the route reverse,
to avoid the hills and line up the stops in a row.
no backtracking.
Really thought I was a genius when we saw no other riders,
even while heading back for the second route.
Pull up,
'are we the first through?'
almost laughter,
'no, there's only one other person behind you'
DAMN.
stupid no map owning and no iphone owning person that I am.
coming back on the last run,
almost got rear ended at speed by some dumb college kid.
all I heard was the screeching of tires
and the sense of a bumper by my rear tire.
THE HELL.
three blinkies and a bike lane still won't save you from a
sideways white hat wearing jackass in a Jeep.

Pretty much last.
but, being the heaviest guy.
and the oldest guy there.
a few minutes behind the lead group,
I'll take it.
and a beer, thanks!

ANTs on parade

why go to critical mass?

ok, I know I'm about a week late with this...
BUT! it's been one of THOSE weekends,
and yes, I'll go into it later.
But first...

now, I always wonder if it's worth taking work off
(because I never get out early enough), to go to
Critical Mass.
Sometimes a handfull show up,
Sometimes it's a halfass route,
and sometimes you feel like one of those Shriners,
in a parade, in a little car,
driving in circles while wearing a pez.

But what's this?
The orange droptube bike to the left?



An ANT!
And a so very tasty one at that!
Color matched rims.
It's Laceys'. And I'm sure you can find some pics of it online.
And, another ANT?
Well, that would be Randys'.


Just bizarre.
While poking around the Handmade Show links looking for builders
in the East, both these bikes have been featured. I had no idea.
Until I got to Critical Mass.
So there's a reason right there,
You never know who will show up,
and what they'll be riding.

PEDAL ROOM

I entered the Pedal Room.
Yeah,
I don't know what to make of it yet.
Is it the Facebook for bikes?

Legislature 2009

While at the Legislature Breakfast/ride I realised Yehuda Moon was attending. No one told me. Come on! Advertise people, bet three more would have shown up just for him. No, I didn't get an autograph. I just observed what I'm likely to become in twenty something years.

second row, third in.

can't ride on sidewalks?

so every time someone yells 'get out of the street!',
they really just want me to get a beatdown?

not even there yet:

pulled from my favorite (along with Bicycle Times) UrbanVelo:
Portland Considering “Idaho Stop” Law
The city of Portland is considering adopting “Idaho Stop” legislature. The laws would allow bicyclists to treat stop lights as stop signs, and stop signs as yield signs. The legislature has worked remarkably well in the state of Idaho since 1982, hence the name. However not everyone in Portland is in favor of such laws. In fact, the whole thing has raised quite a bit of controversy, including some rather biased and decidedly unpleasant media coverage. Still, Portland’s bicycle advocacy groups remain hopeful. For more information, visit www.bikeportland.org.

we have yet to lengthen the one mile of bike lane in this town.

lights and tunnels

a good thing no one asked how the weekend went.
Friday was the day of suck.
Everyone already hates the banking situation,
AND the auto industry.
It's a good thing they fly by private jet,
if I ever end up sitting next to one of the punks in a suit.
I will end up working out a plea bargin with the local DA.

Take Friday off.
And right before the family truckster goes in for the
inspection, the check engine light comes on.
Now this thing only has 63,000 miles.
So, off it goes to the mechanic.
Every visit seems to add up to $500 plus,
but it's not a Porsche or a BMW.
So it turns out Ford issued a tech bulletin,
meaning they know there's a problem.
Yeah, but it's still gonna cost me $500 to fix it.
Because they couldn't build it right the first time.
You can take that fake American auto pride & shove it.
Makes me sick that I own it.

So this leaves me with my Gunnar.
It's American made, but I'm just proud it doesn't let me down.
So, I grab the Gunnar and head out to pick up the van.
On Friday, in rush hour, on the main street,
and a half hour to do it.
FACT: bike beats bus.
I actually thought about loading the bike,
especially with such a headwind.
But I beat that bus,
THE WHOLE WAY.
As for rush hour drivers?
Trying to merge through me to get on the highway?
At somepoint, someone WILL get pulled from their car.

Get to the mechanics.
Pay the $80 to verify that I did indeed buy a POS.
Thanks UAW, Quality is job one! I know!

Now it's a hurry back home.
Why?
Oh, because we have an appointment with the vet @ 5:30.
Why?
Because Beau, the little white dog, is being put to sleep.
Awesome day.
Beau was a rescue dog. He spent a good five or six years with us.
A little Bichon, that toughed it out with kids & dogs,
and cats that could beat him up.
He was now at least fifteen years old (or older).
His original owner had died of cancer,
and her husband wanted nothing to do with him (Beau).
He was going to just drop him off to be put to sleep.
So we took him.
I really need a license to hunt assholes.
But first I need more time.

On a lighter note,
Abby, the mange covered baby Pitbull,
is recovering and adjusting well.
She looks like a Chiwawa on steroids.
And after today, no more fires.
Word is the East Coast will warm up, finally.
I think there IS a light at the end of my tunnel.

And that sums up the weekend.
I know you really wanted to know....
Now back to the bike stuff.

Loose Threads show!

"skin of my teeth"
Whatever the hell it means,
I barely made the show.
Loosing focus...
and next month is the BIG show for me,
haven't even started getting things together for that one.
but, there's two in here...

fighting addiction...

ebay addiction.
actually ebay is my dealer.
for my bike addiction, that I am always fighting.

first up for consideration is a chrome lugged Toma:
maybe Campy Veloce or Chorus,
lots of chrome & polished.
We'll have to see where it ends.....
a big maybe.


Titus.
Custom CX.
Doable!
IF fork in other auction.
Single up front,
something different and simple for the set up.


Now this!
I'm a fan of the new Masi style.
If this were only the CX, for canti's.
Would still make an awesome commuter.
Would eliminate buying one just to strip down.
Love the rootbeer brown.
put on my extra set of wheels,
1x10 with campy & bar end shifters.
of course a Brooks, or the San Marco with rivets.
THIS may be the next build....
UNLESS MASI GUY HAS A FRAME FOR ME!


I actually use to own this bike,
got it from the rep.
KHS Fleetwood,
that must have been '97?
It saw zero miles, just sat in my room.
I switched between the two hardtails for every ride.
Fianlly sold it when I moved East,
three bikes is easier than six, I guess.
NOW I wish I'ld kept it.
Aluminum frame, Nexus 8 hub, canti's.
If you ever find one in Large..
LET ME KNOW!
Ultimate gallery, bar, corner store bike...

well, besides the Indy Fab one that I'll NEVER,
EVER be able to afford.
$5000?

back to ebay!

walking the line

More like riding the line of self preservation
and total dorkiness.

I don't know what my aversion is to the standard
neon-yellow-saftey-gear-set-up.

When you can't (or don't want to) coordinate, the
simple choice is black. Then I end up compensating
for it with about ten blinking lights. Maybe it's
due to associating yellow jackets with mustaches
and recumbent bikes. I have yet to figure that out.



Really though, this is more for your planning of May.
May is Bike Week.
And really BIKE MONTH. Actually every month is Bike Month.
But know what is happening in your town that month,
AND BE PART OF IT.

One more person on a bike is one LESS person driving past you.
If your town doesn't have much of a scene,
then it's up to YOU to make it what you want it to be.

puppies and pet peeves

well let's just get the peeves out of the way.

- Bluetooths. you just look like an idiot. walking around
with something stuck to your ear. you're not talking.
just waiting. waiting for someone to need you that bad.
until then you're just a tool walking around with some
thing stuck to your ear.

- Sunglasses inside. They're called SUNglasses for a reason.
You're not famous. And I don't see any photographers waiting
for you. Take them off you idiot.

- Hummers and other obnoxiously large vehicles. Do you live in
a cabin with a dirt road? Has it ever been off road? Could you
get by with an economical sedan? Actually, maybe they do need
to exist, just like crappy label manufactured 'POP' music.
IT IS AN EASY WAY TO SPOT SOMEONE WITH POOR TASTE AND
A WEAKNESS FOR BRAINLESS MARKETING. Ok, you can keep your SUV
and crappy music. Just don't whine when people make fun of you.

The other stuff:
People: One, think things out. Two, own up to your shit.




Through Out of the Pits, we're fostering Abby,
a fourteen week old pitbull.
Found wandering the street covered in mange.
Someone just didn't want to deal with her,
so out she went. She's great with the kids AND
the cats. Crappy owners raise crappy dogs that
give the breed a bad reputation. I would easily
take a dog like Abby than a small nervous dog that 'nips'
at anyone & everything. That's another story.

ADD TO THE LIST:
People who spend obnoxious amounts of money, on a dog (or cat).
Yeah, I don't care that you went to a breeder instead of the
petstore. Bella, the white Bulldog. She was a breeder dog.
She sat in a yard.
Only to be breed and have litters of pups.
Pups were then sold.
Breed again.
Sell the pups.
For five years.
Then she ended up in a shelter, to be put down if not adopted.
She was rescued, put in a van that came from the south (GA.).
And now has a good home thanks to Peppertree Rescue.

But the fact that some ass, I mean breeder, made 40-50 thousand
selling her pups, then drops her at a shelter kills me.

You paid for your dog? What do you contribute too?
Who's walking around cleaning up after you?

And now there's a rash of dogs needing homes.
Due to what? The economy! I guess it plays out like:

"Sorry Timmy, we have to get rid of the dog, even though
we've had him for seven (SEVEN!) years. He'll be ok,
and you'll get over it. We just can't afford the ten
dollars a week to feed him."

Yeah, I know the economy AND life are hard right now,
but really? Dumping your dog of seven years?
I bet you kept the Hummer though.



Alot of times I feel like being the Karma Police and delivering
a little Nancy Kerrigan beating some of you. So, by chance, some
guy on a bike delivers a beatdown to you. Just take it. That was
your karma coming back.

Well, enough of that.
Just give a little thought of where you put your money.
A little thought of what you can do. This goes for cycling too.
And basically everything in life. The neighborhood you live in.
Your art community. I'm kind of tired of the 'ME' generation and
it's ways & lack of principles. It's 'WE'.
Not even 'US' and 'THEM'.